Be the "Conditional" Gentleman

Being a gentleman used to be a one way process: you treat others with respect and observe social rules. It is “one way” but you don’t feel you  have anything to lose because you know people would treat you the same way - until recently.

Like any rules, once broken and the bad behaviour is tolerated, others will start to do the same and the system will start to crumble. That’s what we have seen in our societies the past couple of decades - people no longer respect others.

My question then becomes: should we still do all those gentlemanly things regardless of how others treat us in return?

The short answer is NO and here’s why.

I used to hold the door for everyone but I find myself increasingly being treated as a doorman that I have decided to do so only if I sensed that person is worthy of my effort.

This method has worked pretty well for me.

In a few cases where it didn’t work, I would no longer shrug it off with a silence. Instead I would treat that person to a British-style sarcasm by shouting back in his/her face with a big “thank you” - and a bitter smile!

That’s the best way to retaliate without bringing yourself down to their same low level.

Likewise when I bump into my neighbours and if they choose to look straight instead of a hi and a smile, I would do EXACTLY THE SAME without feeling guilty anymore.

When I am in a queue and someone from behind suddenly stands in front of me, I would say “excuse me, there is a queue behind”.

In my recent trip to Bangkok I met a taxi driver with the worse manners in my 20+ year visits of the great city (the featured photo above).

He was driving at 40 km/hr on a 70 highway. He said NO when I asked him to speed up. At the tolls, he asked me to pay. As I pulled my wallet out from my bag, he started shouting “hurry, hurry…..” and waved his hand in the rudest manner.

When I got off the taxi, I said to him in Trump’s tone: YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON!

I showed him the Google Translate just to make sure!

My new attitude is not limited to people I don’t know.

A while ago I finally plucked up the courage to say to an abusive relative: “I don’t like the way you talk to me, I do deserve some respect, but you have not shown it”.

He nodded without saying a word.

It should be clear then being a gentleman in 2026 is no longer about being a “full time nice guy” but “strategic” in how we behave in different situations, simply because we live in a world where too many people just think of themselves, and too few care about others.

So be the unapologetic Conditional Gentleman!